Pseudo Feminist Man: Oh I’m a feminist alright. I’m a bigger feminist than you are.
Honest Pseudo Feminist Man: I’m a feminist as long as I can get into your pants.
Pseudo Feminist Man: I think men and women deserve to be equal. I completely believe in feminism.
Honest Pseudo Feminist Man: I think men and women deserve to be equal as long as you don’t say no to sleeping with me on the first date.
I could go on and on, but I suppose this was enough to make a point. Pseudo feminist men are everywhere. Your milkman could be a pseudo feminist. PFs are like vegans. They always make it a point to let you know who they are. Most of the times it’s right before they’re about to sleep with you. Sometimes it could also be when they’re picking you up from a bar. Pseudo feminist men are very easy to identify, but there are rare cases when they don’t make it so obvious. This type of species, in millennial terms, are known as Fuckbois. Fuckbois deserve a separate article. For now, let’s discuss how to deal with Pseudo feminists.
PFs will lie to you. Period.
Let me put it this way:
John says he is a feminist.
You agree to go out with John.
You and John are on a date.
You’re having an amazing time.
You’re wearing your favourite dress.
John says he respects that you wear clothes of your choice.
John also says that he thinks your dress is a bit slutty.
Then John says that it’s just a thought and you shouldn’t think too much of it and do what you want. You look sexy in it anyway.
Now you realise that John is a douchebag and a pseudo-feminist.
How would you deal with this situation?
Simple. You punch John in the dick and get out of there.
In most situations when you start to realise that the man is a pseudo-feminist, your best solution is to punch him in the dick. Trust me, he does not deserve the ability to procreate. However, you could also choose the politically correct approach. That is to tell him nicely that he is acting like a douchebag. You can educate him about feminism and how his unsolicited opinion on your dress is unwelcome and that he can shove it up his douche ass.
This approach is not always helpful, since if the guy actually knew and wanted to understand what feminism is, he wouldn’t be sitting there mansplaining you. A pseudo-feminist will definitely, positively, without a doubt, talk over you and explain why his definition of feminism is the right one. But of course, he is a man. His definition will obviously be supported by facts like, ‘I know because I’ve studied this’, ‘I’m an expert on social causes and gender-equality’, ‘I’m not a woman, but I’ll give you advice anyway’.
Suffice it to say, John needs to shut the fuck up. So what is the long-term solution to this? I’d suggest keep punching every John in the dick and eliminate their chances of creating an offspring called Jr. John. But seriously, just try not to associate with them.
Now the big question is, there are so many Pseudo-feminists in the world. How are you going to stop associating with all of them?
Glad you asked.
The honest answer to that is, you can’t. We live in a hypocritical world. Even though you hate the thought of being in any sort of contact with a John, sometimes you have no choice. The easiest way of dealing with them is to stop giving fucks about what they say.
Ignorance, my friend, is your bliss. Denial is also your bliss in this scenario. So live in denial, like you do with everything else in life.
Instead of Johns, associate with dogs and cats. Humans are doomed anyway.
Good day, friend.
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