We all have that one person who we just want to punch in the face. No, it’s not that they are ugly, it’s just that their very existence bothers you enough that it becomes very difficult to focus on other things that require your attention. For the longest time, I had this one person who I had loathed to the point where I would wish harm upon her. It was just plain ugly. Had it not been for an epiphany, I would still dislike her(borderline hate her). Fast forward, after I buried the hatchet with her, it dawned upon me that there was a very good possibility that I may have gotten the worst out of her and it wasn’t all her fault. That realization was very unsettling.
After coming clean, I happened to realise that in hindsight, I just had poor personal boundaries which I eventually took responsibility for.
BUT WHAT DOES POOR PERSONAL BOUNDARIES MEAN?
Glad you asked, which is why we’ll do the “You Might Have A Boundary Issue If…” list so you know where you stand:
*Do you ever feel like your emotions are taken advantage of by people for their own gain?
*Do you ever feel the insatiable need to cheer people up and “save” them from their problems all the time?
*Do you find yourself far more invested or attracted to a person than you should be for the period of time you have known them?
*Do you tell people how much you hate drama but always seem to be stuck in the middle of it?
*Do you find yourself in relationships that oscillates between “the best thing that ever happened” or “ the most painful thing for as long as you remember” with no in between?
If your answer is a resounding yes to most of them, you may have major boundary problems in your relationships.
People with personal boundaries come in various types. The first are those who take too much responsibility for the emotions/actions of others, and then, there are those who expect others to take too much responsibility for their own emotions/actions.
A person with poor personal boundaries may go all the way to help someone because they cannot control their feelings and they believe that someone or something needs to be saved. However, in the long run, it’s just unhealthy. Some people lack boundaries because they are needy or have to be dependent on something that validates their existence. It’s not difficult to think of people who are needy or dependent on their desperate need for love and affection from others. To receive affection or get their feelings reciprocated, they sacrifice their identity and compromise on their boundaries.
People who have good personal boundaries not only understand to take responsibility for his/her own actions but also draw a line of not taking responsibility for other people’s actions. A person who understands how boundaries work understands that they may have hurt someone’s feelings but ultimately, they can’t determine how other people feel about it. Someone with strong boundaries understands that any healthy relationship is never about controlling one another’s feelings or emotions, but rather, supporting each other in their growth and their hard times.
Had it not been for that person, I would have still been oblivious to the fact that I suffered from poor boundaries. But hey, better late than never, right?