In the present culture, many of us idealize love. Most of us see it as something that can cure most of the life problems, or as a healthy distraction. Most of our movies and stories revolve around as to how an underdog, wins over the love of his/her life and how they are fated for a happy ending. That ladies and gentlemen are where our problems begin. We don’t understand what love is and perhaps that is why we end up overestimating it. Due to this fallacy, we end up paying dearly.
When we believe at some level, that all we need is love, then we’re likely to ignore other things which are crucial to our well being.
The problem with “all in or nothing” approach with respect to love is that one’s expectation is skyrocketed to a point wherein they are walking a fine line between faith and delusion. It is these unrealistic expectations that sabotage the very relationships we hold dear in the first place.
The Problem with Love:
1. No Consideration Towards Compatibility
Just because you have the butterfly feeling in your stomach for someone, doesn’t necessarily mean they are excellent partners for you in the long term. Love is an emotional process but compatibility is not.
It’s possible to fall in love with a complete asshole who can make you feel worse about yourselves, treat you like a slave and take you for granted.
It’s possible to love someone who has very different perceptions towards the things you love, have different goals and motivations exactly opposite to yours. They may be as headstrong as you are and may have a different philosophy for life. It’s possible to fall in love with somebody who sucks for your well-being.
I am not against relationships but when we are attracted to someone, the first thing that gets out of the window is the reasoning. When a relationship begins, everything is burning with passion and even their farts could smell like a strawberry popsicle and one may believe that everything has fallen into place.
And there comes a time when your passion finally fades and reality resumes and that is when you will see the changes. It not that the traits they are exhibiting have come all of a sudden. The fact is, those traits have always existed and you were oblivious to it because you weren’t paying enough attention. To top it off all, you may even imagine them to be deity’s who could do no wrong and increase their qualities to a 1000 folds while simultaneously ignoring their bad traits.
The above is called Crystallization and yes, it fucks us all.
Is what you’re sacrificing worth the effort?
In a relationship, one often sacrifices one’s needs, one’s time among other things. But when one has to sacrifice one’s dream, ambition or life purpose, one has to wonder if such love is worth it. A healthy relationship should help you drive the purpose. If you find yourself sacrificing your self-worth or putting up with abusive behaviour, then you should abandon the ship before it sinks with you.